I've been thinking a lot of the word one. Its seemingly insignificance may hide its amazingly huge deal.

ONE husband. thank goodness.
ONE bible.
ONE God. We can only serve ONE Master.
ONE life. wow. Ive been really struggling with work and all stuff when this hit me today. ONE life. like, if we got it wrong, we wouldn't have a chance to re-do it. It put me off complaining because I am working towards something and I'm with God, which makes me want to be all that I can be in God. Because we only have this ONE life. I was thinking about this too,because we are only young once, (young at heart forever though), get married once (God bless), be in our 20s once, .....you get where I am going. I was like, woow. thats a pretty big deal. I don't wanna spend my time complaining, or struggling when I can be thankful and overcome. I don't wanna waste my youth (whats left of it!), I dont want others to be lost or without God for this ONE LIFE.

We were learning about the spirit soul and body at the weekend, and how these are usually unaligned. the spirit can be in the will of God but our soul (heart, will, emotions) can be lagging as can our physical body. usually if you get 2 aligned the 3 will follow. so either I discipline/beat my soul or body into submission. either way, its a huge can of whoopass.

 'Time spent with God will really open up His ways. Reading books wont do it. Reading theology won't do it. Studying creation won't do it. Going to church won't do it. Listening to religious music won't do it. Listening to great preachings won't do it. Even worshipping through hymns and choruses won't do it.'

'Help me escape this feelin' of insecurity
I need you so much but I don't think you really need me

Relight my fire, your love is my only desire
Relight my fire cos I need your love

No matter what was happenin', I was there with you

You gotta be strong enough to walk on through the night
There's a new day on the other side
you gotta have hope in your soul, just keep on walkin'

That's right, Take That! God is AWEsome.

I have a lot of stuff in my room...it's difficult having your entire life bar dvds and kitchen items in one room! Andrew suggested going through my stuff and throwing a lot out and putting stuff in storage......a big step in our engagement to marriage relationship, I hear you say!
We filled a bin bag round one, going over the top of wardrobes and two shelves........ Tonight we tackled my wardrobe.



Contact lense solution anyone? They send me 3 every 3 months and I'm a little behind......

I've discovered that we "need" a lot of stuff - winter clothes, summer clothes, casual clothes, dressy clothes, lounge clothes, underwear, pjs, belts, scarves...then different shoes to match each season/dress style - boots, pumps, trainers, heels, flipflops....Whilst going through my 40 something pairs of shoes, Andrew was ruthless. He didn't know if he would get the opportunity to go there again so he binned alot and put some in storage, leaving me with 20 or so pairs of shoes, including vital trainers to "paint the house' with. (my argument).

With my guidance, hoodies and "light long-sleeved winter wear" were stored on top, trousers, cardigans, tops, dresses and coats hanging, and shooooes. all in one wee small space. Andrew was loving it and was so proud of me. Though he responded to my 'we are winning dear' with 'in war there is no winning darling'
      

Managed to save a good quality polo neck by claiming its use for sick days......
Have a new roomie joining the crew so prepared her room too....busy night!!!




My bed is still usable which is always a pain before sleeeeeep. 
   

Im making a new scrapbook at the minute too, to hold all my little cards/notes/memories so they will all be nice and neat in one book before marriage too!!

  



And my lounge/sick outfit .....success!!!


The things you do for love! Tonight was awesome, simply because Andrew had me in stitches over everything, we were able to compromise and enjoy preparing for moving in together! Just another reason why we are going to be together.forever.

God has given us the gift of laughter. fo shu!

It is common to think of unity in terms of your close friends and you all finding something you all agree with and aim for and desire and going with that. but in a body of people, there could be many groups like this, or else your group is working against the main group as it were. Unity, to me, means a whole body, following and looking to the Lord, coming together with the leaders and all working together, with one heart, purpose, desire. Under the umbrella of a youth group there are many different interests, personalities, objectives. all the more reason why it is important to become one, support and back the youth group and be together. Sharing, being honest, desiring the best, and being openly involved with everyone is the only way we are ever gonna get anything done. A flow of information, a heart for openness and prayer, and a steady all round growth.

I liked steve's preaching today. I do a lot for my church but I have seen many struggle to support or find reasons to be at their church. Maybe they are searching too hard, maybe they are under attack, maybe they have lost hope....I also know the hard times involved with being so involved in a church, but if its the heart of my Father, I can walk through it.

Things I miss about uni

- the banter - whether it was lunch with friends or debating in class, coming up with a group presentation or just hanging, it was a good laugh
- the learning - i enjoyed learning new things
- studying in the library with/ without people. im sooo jealous i dont get to use the new library!
- the hours - time for 3 hour lunches/coffee breaks!
-new notebooks and pens and the like....geek.me.
- living on the lisburn road - now im all old and its too noisy!
- student discount - i can now only get it if andrew is with me!
- visiting friends at other unis!
- not having to be grown up and responsible just yet!

Things I don't miss about uni

- trying to carry tesco shopping bags ladened with food home along with library books and bag. just wasnt fun. especially on cold dark nights.
- studying in a COLD library - i bet the new one is better heated....
- irish history and maybe some british history - forced and boring
- footnotes.
- the careers advisors - RUBBISH
- the having to go to work after a day studying. of course, I don't really like spending the whole day at work!
- stranmillis - never my favourite place.
- creepy crazy lecturers. enough said!

 'There are many plans in a man's heart, Nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand' Proverbs 19 v 21

 'Fear not, for I am with you;  Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you,  Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ ' Isaiah 41 v 10

How dare we dare to believe we are not worthy or we are ugly when we have something so beautiful in us that is so worthy and is nothing to do with us, but changes us entirely.

The Lord will always have His way. Thank you for your love Lord, and your perfect timing. Take my hands and my thoughts out of the way and have your way.

 I am having a lot of fun with the wedding. 2 arguments isn't bad! A lot of people have a lot of views on how they would do it which they readily give but I'm so happy that we are doing it the way we are and we are, most importantly, doing it the way we want. We want the grand day affair of sharing and enjoying with family and friends and I want pretty pictures of dresses and people and Andrew - its a HUUUUUGE thing! Everything will fall into place and we will find a house to live even if we use money on a wedding instead of a deposit for a house.I'm not an overboard kinda girl but I am a girl and Andrew and I are more than happy with our choices and having fun planning it!

It is most wonderful to have such a Godly man as my best friend and future husband. We are blessed with laughter and we use it always. I love Andrew muchly and God has His hand upon us and we have done this in His timing and with His blessing and guidance and love. He is an awesome God in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, until death do we meet.

 It's tough. I don't think there will ever be an age when you don't fully care what people say or think about you or it doesn't throw you into some sort of turmoil!

I'm learning to take it on the chin when some one snaps at me, or treats me a certain way, or talks about me behind my back. I hate to think I've done something to hurt someone enough to do that to me. Then I learnt that people are gonna do all that anyway, we aren't perfect, and there's no point me pondering on it, mulling it over, and thinking of what I should/could do.

I can only apologise. I can only pray and try to do what is right. I can only be who God created me to be.I can learn to bring every thought captive and show love to all. That was Jesus' heart.

He was one tough cookie.

 i miss livejournaling!

I've been thinking later about life......getting married and stuff has just made me take stock as such of where I am and where I've come from! I'm not a teenager anymore, will I always feel 18 though? I've realised that dating has passed, crushes have passed, all that drama has passed. being a teenager was fun but it always felt like an emotional struggle and such a hard time! Had those too. Also working with children has made me think about my own children-who-have-yet-to-be-born, I want to wait quite a while, there's so much going on there! like a child, wow! 

I've found that I can always have fun and will in some ways always be 18, life is meant to be enjoyful. I will always love curling up with doovet and a dvd. I will have to continue to cut out diet coke as my teeth are weak and I hate the dentist. I will feel bones aching that I maybe didnt feel before. I will be more courageous as I learn not to care about people's opinions so much, I will be more adventurous yet more and more cautious. I will always learn and be more ready to share my views. I will always know who are my friends and how fricking important friendships are because we have been through so much. I will cry a few more thousand tears and laugh a million more laughs. I hope I will reach 70 and find a freedom and joy there that I never thought I would when I didnt want to be old.

It all started in 1985, i feel like it starts every morning and I feel it will start again for me dancing away on 11th june 2010. 

wow life.

 For too long, the desire has been dull. For too long, life has just been about going through the motions! And then the inevitable wake up - gotta grasp it, gotta dance with all my might, gotta sing, gotta praise, gotta EMBRACE!

i was really blessed by Pablo, he was so excited a few weeks ago about a word the Lord had given him, he had it written out and was showing people and reading it and stuff. and it hit me, when was I was excited, so adamant about a word from the Lord? it should be a daily/regular thing but it shouldn't be something I was nonchalant about.

I was also really blessed by the fact and by knowing that God was still there, He hadn't moved, He was still trusting in me, still waiting, still excited and faithful and loving. We only have this one life, not to be morbid but we have to be unwilling to let go of God, unwilling to stop praying, fighting, worshipping. We should enjoy today, grasp today, be used.

Open the floodgates of Heaven YES but also let's open our hearts, our doors, our windows, our homes, our workplaces, our everything.

Soldiers once again...

http://www.firejournals.blogspot.com/ - a little something something on that too

 I found a dvd sent out by streetreach 2006 of all the photos of that year. it actually made me realise how important something like streetreach was, because whilst out on the streets for those 3 days, every teenager forgot about themselves and put others first. they reached out to children and played games and gave them attention and they made time to sit with older people and listen. esteeming others higher. it made me cry to see just how far short we are though....a 3 day mission isnt enough. God loves those people and He wants them. in Northern Ireland, children are growing up without attention or love or time given to them. there are gates that are flung closed between communities because of fighting and hatred, started between 2 ten year old boys over a football shirt. there are boys who dont respect authority and whilst being chased by a police landrover simply throw things at it. there are older people who have lived their whole lives without hearing about Jesus, or who love having someone to listen or make them smile. man, it broke my heart because if people can do it for 3 days why cant they make a habit of living their lives like this. of the many teenage christians who took part in streetreach and the many more there probably are, could this country be changed by our one desire - to see Jesus glorified. to love like He loves us, to be His hands and feet, to go out and make disciples.....

if only our hearts would break for what breaks God's heart.

Somewhere along the line it became about how it all felt, it became about what i could see with my own eyes, how i worked it out in my head, how it made me feel and think. i forgot all I knew, i forgot what i had learnt, i forgot to see what God was doing, forgot to ask for Him to show me, forgot to even take a second to breathe deeply and pray.

Negativity just creeped in. From everything to married cliques (sp) to work to clothes to food to headaches to anger to not even wanting to be at meetings.

Practical guidelines...
- stop talking/thinking
- take a deep breathe
- say 'daddy.....'

so fricking simple yet so difficult. cos God always shows up and breaks your heart cos you realise how stupid youve been.

'i wonder why i spent so much time afraid when i was set free'

With everything thats happened in the month of February, there has been so many reasons to question a lot of what and why. Julie and Paul had a beautiful baby girl who went immediately and directly to be with God, and Robert Donnell died of a horrible disease that took him so quickly. How is it you miss someone you never got the chance to know and how is it you miss someone terribly who you never took notice of a lot of the time?

But our God reigns, our God is faithful, our God is awesome and working out something we cant even comprehend. Life itself is His perfect plan and yes, we dont understand it, but its too short to hold on to things He's asked us to give up, its too short to ignore His commands when we are gonna go round that circle and do it anyway, its too beautiful to cause ourselves to miss out on the small and lovely things.

' if you are willing and obedient, you will eat of the good of the land.' Isaiah 1.

are you willing and obedient? to give it all to Jesus, for Jesus.

dont let the enemy prevail. dont let yourself prevail. Pick up your cross.

Ive been doing a daily reading....daily and ive gone through the life of David which is just...wow... and I've started Kings. the first chapter of Kings tells us how one of David's sons Adonijah took the throne for himself. But David had sworn the throne to Bathsheba's son Solomon. Adonijah charmed a lot of people who had been loyal to David and announced himself king and threw a big party, while a prophet told Bathsheba to remind her dying husband of his promise made in God to Solomon. so Solomon becomes thr king and Adonijah loses his 'kingship'. Solomon comes to the throne and kills his brother and those men who followed Adonijah who had once been loyal to David.

why am i recounting this for you?

Because it is an important lesson about the faithfulness of God and His plans for us. Even in the face of dry bones, Even though to human eyes it seems unredeemable. It seems like a lost cause. It seemed promises made in the Lord are forgotten and 'evil' has won, the world has the victory, God steps in. He speaks. Just like He spoke and there was life. How awesome in the totally right use of the word!!!!!!!!!! And those things that looked undefeatable, that looked to be running away from us are killed as it were, there is no life in it and God will be just.

So while things look difficult in our own lives and for the youth group, God's word, God's promise exists and is still with us and over us. while it looks like dry bones or things are running away from us, God is just and faithful to remember us and remember His purpose for us as individuals and as a youth group. We have the victory in Him and we need to remind ourselves of His faithfulness and be faithful to Him and know that what good works He has begun in us He will bring to completion. and continue to BE in Him, seek Him and KNOW that HE IS LORD. In Him we have the victory. encouraged much?

How fricking great is our God.

'I spread out my hands to you My soul longs for you like a thirsty land' Psalm 143 v6
'Teach me to do your will For you are my God Your Spirit is good Lead me in the land of uprightness' Psalm 143 v 10e


'But He was wounded for our transgressions,
      He was bruised for our iniquities;
      The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
      And by His stripes we are healed. 
       All we like sheep have gone astray;
      We have turned, every one, to his own way;
      And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. 
       He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
      Yet He opened not His mouth;
      He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
      And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
      So He opened not His mouth. 
       He was taken from prison and from judgment,
      And who will declare His generation?
      For He was cut off from the land of the living;
      For the transgressions of My people He was stricken. 
       And they made His grave with the wicked—
      But with the rich at His death,
      Because He had done no violence,
      Nor was any deceit in His mouth. 
      Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him;
      He has put Him to grief.
      When You make His soul an offering for sin,
      He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
      And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand. 
      He shall see the labor of His soul,and be satisfied.
      By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many,
      For He shall bear their iniquities. 
      Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
      And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
      Because He poured out His soul unto death,
      And He was numbered with the transgressors,
      And He bore the sin of many,
      And made intercession for the transgressors.'
Isaiah 53

BECAUSE HE POURED OUT HIS SOUL UNTO DEATH

It might sound like really sentimental or soppy but thats not how I mean it. we were sitting in the empire and andrew had said something to me, and i was smiling at him and then i realised that was that one moment gone....the beauty of life, the fragility, the speed at which life passes us by and everything that we miss. the importance of living every moment, the importance of learning,
 
we keep saying we are the chosen people why arent we living like the chosen people.

in the new year i aim to make no resolutions. is that in itself a resolution? but i know what i want for 2009. i want to live like God intended me to live. to not settle for good when i can have perfect. to learn more and more, to be more and more, to walk, run and fly with my Saviour. patience. perfect love. abundance. faithfulness.

randomness but all on my mind.

God bless you guys xx

Friday in work was horrible. It was the end of the week, I'd been having problems all week and I was thinking of the weekend, i just needed to get Friday in work done with. it was the most horrible day and i was actually heartbroken after. Ive been praying that God would just shine through me in my work and I couldn't do anything in my own strength. and while i was sooo upset after work, God later showed me Him walking along side me with His arms round me and said I am with you. I will never leave or forsake you.

Not many people know that im taking driving lessons but I am. im aiming to surprise my friends from school who after nearly 6 years of giving me lifts still expect to be doing it for years to come. but none of them read this so its all good! i had my theory on sat morn. so i come home from fire and find my appointment letter. and it tells me i need the written document part of my driving licence as well as the photographic part. well, having got that 5 years ago, i have no idea where that is. i wasnt being negative but i was like theres no way i'm going to be able to do this, the letter states i need this, i don't have it, the end. again totally forgetting God in the situation, even though id done that earlier and God said I am with you.

so andrew and I prayed and i slept. i woke up the next day completely calm, which in itself is a miracle. andrew and i drove to my mums and looked for it and it wasnt there. andrew commented on how calm i was, yes its that big a deal! i walked into the test centre and everyone has the paper bit of their driving licence. i handed my stuff across, and she put me through but everyone else was asked for the paper document....i am not exaggerating. they all handed across what i had handed in and had been asked for the document. when my name was called i thought they could still turn me away but nope, got through took the test and aced it. in fact i smiled the whole way through.

something simple, but just like God saying I told you so, which He never would say but always does in a quirky way. yes God is quirky, i love it

every blessing you pour out Ill turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in Lord still i will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord!

'" Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!"  What a motivation to have done with death, sin, and negativity! The world is looking for Christians who express LIFE, and not any old life, but that which is of Christ, literally dwelling in us as LIFE.'

Reality. Reality of Christ in us.

Love so amazing, so divine,  demands my soul, my life, my all.

last week steve was on spotlight, talking about homosexuality and the christian viewpoint, well he was on for like 10 secs but thats what the whole program was about. it made me think alot cos the presenter ended the show by saying love thy neighbour only if they arent a homosexual. u cant pick and choose parts of the bible, u cant pick and choose who we love or show Christ to, but we cant pick and choose what sins are ok to commit. homosexuality is in the bible, listed in the same sentence as greed, pride, hatred, adultery, lust, lying.....so on and so forth.

it was something id never really thought about but got quite worked up about. and how can someone who doesnt know Jesus say for a fact and without a doubt that they were made that way and they arent doing anything wrong? is this the devil deceiving, lying? and we sit by and do nothing?

Jesus went. Jesus spoke. Jesus healed. Jesus taught. Jesus loved. Jesus prayed. Jesus wept.